Past, Present, and Future
by ArabellaFaith
Summary: Post BDM, Mal finds himself at a loss. Half his crew is gone and the sky seems a mite too lonesome for his taste. But maybe the return of his little Albatross can set things right again... Mal/River, with chapters for all the crew. Happy endings all around!
1. Chapter 1

Mal stared out at the black, wondering just what in the gorram hell he was doing setting Serenity down on this _suo-ya duh doh dhr-dang_ planet. Then he glanced at the empty pilot's chair and remembered. Ship needed a pilot. Weren't gonna be in the air much longer less he could find someone to fly it. Sure, he'd been doin just shiny on his own so far, but he had...captaney things to be doin.

Plus, his crew was runnin on bones nowa days. With Inara back at the training house, Wash and Book gone to meet their maker, and Simon having taken River to some fancy hospital, the ship looked more like a ghost town than a home. Maybehaps it was Inara's departure that had made his boat seem like a foreign place. After all, his own self had seemed...empty, after she'd left. But in the time since, his heart had recovered and still Serenity didn't seem quite the same. So he'd started to wonder if it weren't all the empty bunks that made him in his boat seem like a stranger in a strange land.

So now they were fixin to pick up a few passengers and maybe find a pilot along the way. And anyone else that might be useful now Zoe was out of commission as well. Not that she'd ever admit it. But at nine months pregnant and ready to pop, Mal wasn't about to be lettin her out on any missions any time soon. Once her little one showed his perdy face to the world, she'd be back in action but meantime, he could use a few extra hands.

Kaylee came to the bridge humming to herself. They looked out at the planet together, watching it get closer and closer as he guided Serenity down to its surface.

"What would you be doin up here, little Kaylee? You know I need you in the engine room makin sure nothin falls off my boat."

"Oh Serenity's shiny cap'n. She'll make the landing just fine." She smiled at him and patted the wall of the ship lovingly.

"Even still, I'm assumin you've got your bit to say, lestwise you wouldn't be in here with me." Mal tried to put the appropriate sternness in the words, but they sounded fond-like.

"I wanted to make sure you hadn't changed your mind 'bout takin on passengers. I know its been..." she trailed off, clearly thinking about the friends they'd lost, either to circumstance or death. "But I think we need some new faces. New stories. Ya know?"

"I know," Mal nodded and smiled at her. "I ain't changed my mind. Jayne'n I'll head to town, pick up the supplies we need, and you and Zoe'll stay behind and see bout pickin up a few strays. I even heard tell there might be a pilot down there." He put his hands to his ears when Kaylee squealed in delight. He did love seein her smile, but he could do without the squeaks and chirps.

"Perfect! Maybe we could even find a doc for when Zo-" she stopped, her face falling. Her forehead furrowed in memory as she recalled Simon. She never had rightly gotten over him. Sure, she'd said she understood that he needed to get his sister to a place that could really help her, specially after Miranda. But it'd broken her heart to see him go. Barely started a relationship and suddenly he was gone. Just cuz Mal understood the doc's reasonin didn't mean he wasn't a _hwoon dahn tah mah de._

By his thinkin, River'd been doin just fine on Serenity. Sure she was still a bit addled in the brainpan, but that was just part of her charm. Once she'd gotten the secret of Miranda outta her head, she'd started to recover. Didn't go round scarin the wits outta the crew all the time, even started to hone her reading abilities. She'd been an asset to the crew, that was for surely true, and a pretty one at that.

But Simon insisted that since she'd recovered enough to control her impulses and sort out her mind, she needed to re enter 'normal' life. The hospital he'd had in mind to take her to specialized in rehabilitatin people after trauma. He hoped that they could set her mind totally back to rights.

Noble intentions, sure. But Mal didn't have to like the consequences.

"If'n we can find a doc, I'd surely like to have one on board. But we've been getting along just fine without for a while now. I figure we'll keep doin alright."

Kaylee nodded and swallowed past the obvious lump in her throat.

"Good then," she said softly. "I'll just head back to the engine room till we land then."

"You do that, little Kaylee. Keep her runnin smooth-like for me."

"You got it, Captain."

She turned and left the bridge. As Mal started to land the ship, he glanced over his shoulder to see Zoey behind him. She didn't speak, just watched him work. It gave him a mite of a creepifyin feeling, having her watch over his shoulder like that, but he didn't say anything. He knew that sometimes she liked to see the ship flown, lettin Serenity show her mental home movies of Wash. At first, it had nearly brought her to tears, seein anyone else flyin her. Now, she only put her hands on her stomach and smiled softly. She'd never truly heal from Wash's loss, but having his son grow in her belly had surely been a balm for the heartache. When she'd found out about the baby two weeks after Wash's death, she'd gone into her bunk for days. Mal didn't know if she'd spent the time crying, laughing, cursing the fates, or just staring at the ceiling in shock. But when she'd come back out, she'd been Zoey again. Didn't mention her disappearance, and neither did anyone else. If not for the occasional soft smile she directed at her stomach, you'd never even know she was carryin.

"Beautiful landing, sir," she said once he had Serenity on the ground.

"Mighty kind of ya to notice," he quipped, turning to face her. "I told Kaylee you'd be stayin at the ship with her lookin for passengers." He braced for protests, for a scowl, for anything. Instead, she only nodded.

"Ay, sir. I'll keep an eye on 'er and make sure we avoid any troublesome cargo."

"I'd take it as a kindness."

"Just don't forget Rodan's a little trigger happy. He goes for his gun, you have Jayne draw his. And Casey tends to short the cut, so count whatever he sells you just in case."

"I know, Zoe. This ain't my first rodeo."

"It's your first one without me in a long time. Just want to make sure you come back in one piece, sir. Someone's gotta do it."

"Yeah, yeah," Mal grumbled. He was secretly touched at her concern. Plus, he'd forgotten Rodan's penchant to shoot first n' ask questions later. Not that he'd tell Zoe that.

He stood and they walked out together. As they went down to the hold, he watched her out the corner of his eye. How she managed to walk just as tall and rigid with a pregnant belly was beyond him. Lookin at her from the back you'd never know she was fixin to pop any day. She was just as quick as always, too. And with the exception of pointin her gun in Jayne's face a few times, her emotions had stayed level. Considerin he wanted to point his gun at Jayne on a semi-daily basis his own self, her self-control amazed him. He'd always thought women went a bit nutters with one in the oven. Then again, Zoe wasn't just any woman.

"Come on, Jayne," Mal called as the door opened. Kaylee had her chair all set up, rollin her paper umbrella thingey tween her fingers. Parasol, that's what 'Nara woulda called it. Mal smiled when the memory of Inara didn't bring a pang to his heart. Just fond thoughts.

He waved goodbye to the womenfolk and started off to the market.

….

By the time they had all their supplies, he was wishin mighty hard that Zoey'd shot Jayne one of the times she'd drawn on him. He grumbled at every transaction, scared away people, petted his gun as if it were a pet. Mal was ready to get the _ma-shong_ off this planet and back into the black. He only hoped Kaylee n' Zoey had done better than he had.

Back at the ship, he groaned to see no one standin with them. Zoey was still scannin the crowd, but Kaylee was sittin back in her chair with her arms folded, murder in her eyes.

"Ladies," Mal greeted, dumping items into Jayne's arms. "I don't see no new faces yet. There a problem?" Zoey started to say something but Kaylee cut her off.

"Yes! She's scarin 'em all away, Cap'n! A few perfectly lovely folks came by and Zoey-"

"None of them were a fit. No sense in takin on passengers that's gonna cause problems."

"There was this one gentleman, looked all dandy-like, and he was awful sweet-"

"He had birds," Zoey said in exasperation.

"Birds?" Mal raised a brow.

"Just a few," Kaylee said earnestly.

"A dozen. And they talked!"

"Ok, I'm with Zoey on that one. I don't need an army of speakin aviary creatures ridin on my boat with me."

"Well what about the lady in the green hat that stopped by?" Kaylee pouted.

"She had snakes!" Zoey planted her hands on her hips.

"I ain't sharin the sky with no snakes," Jayne said, a little panicked.

"Ok, ok that's 'nuff. No birds, no snakes. We don't need no creepy crawlies on the ship. Obviously this was a dry run for us. We'll try again next decent sized rock we set down on."

"But Cap'n, that could be months!"

"Be that as it may, little Kaylee-"

"Won't find what you're lookin for on any other rock," came a melodic voice behind him. Mal recognized that soft voice. He couldn't help the smile that broke over his face.

"Well hello, little Albatross," he said as he turned.

"River!" Kaylee squealed again and hugged River tight. Zoey patted her on the back and smiled indulgently. Even Jayne's face softened a bit. They'd missed her. Kaylee started talkin a mile a minute, goin on about all sortsa things, but Mal broke in.

"What are you doin out here on your own, little one? Thought you'n the doc were out on Arcania."

"Can't be two places at once. Not there since we're here. And not alone." She turned and they noticed Simon making his way towards them. His face practically shone as soon as he laid eyes on Kaylee, but then it slowly evened out and he adopted that uptight expression he was known for.

"River, was this what you wanted to come to the docks for?" When she nodded happily, he sighed and greeted the crew. "Captain, Jayne, Zoey," then turned to Kaylee. "Kaylee." He took a step towards her, then stopped. He lifted his hand, then dropped it. Kaylee looked at him with heartbreak and uncertainty painted on her face clear as day. Before they could complete their awkward greeting, River cut in.

"Thinks about you every day. Loves you. Wishes he hadn't had to leave. Wonders if you could ever forgive him. Almost forgot how beautiful your eyes are, and your-" she stopped and made a face. "Well I'm not sayin' that. Gross. But he's thinkin' it."

Kaylee looked from River to Simon, eyes wide.

"River!" Simon looked as if someone'd just dropped his drawers.

"That true, Simon?" Kaylee whispered the words, as if barely darin to hope.

"I..." he stopped, lookin all deep-like into her eyes and loosin whatever conviction he'd had to deny it. He nodded. Kaylee's smile was brilliant as any sun. Then she hauled back and decked him in the jaw.

"Whoa," Jayne crowed. "Remind me not to piss her off," he commented. As Simon stumbled back and cupped his jaw, Kaylee launched herself at him, this time kissin him stead of hittin him. Simon wrapped his arms round her and held her close.

"Now ain't that a pretty sight," Mal said softly. Next to him, River nodded. For the first time, Mal noticed what she was wearing. Stead of her usual floaty skirt with shorts neath it and combat boots, she wore a proper dress and...heels. Weren't that it didn't look nice, but it just didn't look like River.

"Painted faces, masks to wear for the normal folks," River said quietly. "Fool them to thinkin I'm like them. Pleases Simon to think I can blend in. Costume to slip among them without them knowin the me underneath. Camouflage."

"Hidin who you are? That's not your style, little Albatross." He didn't comment on her obvious reading of his thoughts. It were just part of her charm. Part of who she was.

"You might be shocked to know just how well I can blend in with the rest of society, should I choose." Her voice was all stiff and proper like Simon's. Mal cringed. "Some might even call me refined."

"Never did much care for painted faces," Mal commented lightly. A grin broke over River's face. She reached out to him, then stopped and let her hand drop. She looked a mite puzzled, then smiled again.

"I know," she said softly. "Missed that. Missed you. Missed Serenity."

"Well we missed you too, little one. She hasn't been the same without you runnin bout her."

"Good thing I'm back then."

"Back?" Mal could feel hope risin up in his chest. It'd go a long way to makin his boat home again if part of the fold came back. River n' her stick in the mud brother were part of that fold. Part of the family.

River smiled almost shyly at him, blushed a bit, then nodded. "For permanent."

"Not gonna ask if I'll take ya back aboard?"

"Already know the answer," she said with a grin.

"I suppose you do."

"Wait, _mei mei_ , what?" Simon pulled himself away from Kaylee long enough to hear what they were sayin. "We can't go with them, we have more work to do for you at the hospital here." He glanced at Kaylee and rubbed his jaw, as if 'spectin her to sock him again. Mal wouldn'ta blamed her.

"No more," River insisted firmly.

"River, you know we can't just-"

"Goin', Simon. Want you to come too. But I'm goin either way." She looked a little sad at the possibility, then flashed him a mischievous smile. "Ain't no power in the 'verse can stop me." Simon sighed, knowing she was right. She was a adult. Much as he wanted to care for her, protect her, she was of sound mind once more and able to make her own decisions. Even if he wasn't apt to agree with them.

"Well then, guess its a good thing no one's fixin to stop you then. You comin' with us, doc, or stayin behind?"

"River was the only reason I left the first time," he said, looking at Kaylee. "Where else in the universe would I want to be?" Kaylee let out another of those sounds only meant to be heard by dogs and dolphins, then started kissin him again.

"Righty then, round 'em up, crew. We're off this rock."

…...

It didn't take Simon 'n River long to round up their belongings. Then they packed into Serenity and everyone got settled. Mal went to the bridge for take off only to find River already there. She sat in Wash's old seat, barefoot now and with her sensible skirt hiked up and one knee to her chest. It looked plenty comfy-like, even if it did expose more of her skin than Mal was comfortable seein.

As if she could hear his thoughts- who was he kiddin, of course she heard 'em- she turned and grinned at him.

"I know something you don't know," she said happily.

"That so? Then why don't you share the wealth and impart whatever knowledge you got rollin round in that genius head o'yours?"

"Take too long to share all my knowledge, captain."

"How just bout on this one secret then?"

She shook her head and grinned at him again. "Flowers can't grow 'fore the seeds are planted, even if we know they're coming from winter. Gotta be patient."

"I ain't known for my vast stores of patience, little Albatross," he said, taking his chair. Even though he had no idea what _tyen shuh duh_ she was talkin bout. "Patience is a dangerous thing, ya know."

"Patience shot you. Twice." River nodded solemnly.

"Ain't that a tidy bit of truth." He double checked all the coordinates River'd input, then shook his head. "Wait, that's off the subject. We were talkin bout what you know that I don't."

"Lots of things. What specifically do you mean?" She blinked innocently at him. Mal shook his head in frustration. If she didn't want to tell him, weren't nothin he could do to make her. "That's right," she said with a little smile.

"Ya'know, there's some as would consider it an unfair advantage that you can listen to thoughts."

"Are any of those people here?" She looked at him seriously. Mal gave it some thought for a moment. Her 'unfair advantage' had saved his life more'n once. And it'd eased his way somethin fierce in the past. Yeah it was a bit unnervin to have someone who could hear his every thought fore he could voice it- even hear the things he might not ought to voice- but he didn't begrudge her that. Weren't her fault she was born a reader.

"No, I don't 'spose they are."

"Good. 'Sides, I've been practicing not reading thoughts people consider private. There's a certain way people think them, sly like, and I try not to hear those."

"Well that's mighty kind of you. Seems like you're gettin better at usin that brain of yours."

" _Gun-hoe-tze-bee-dio-se_ ," she shrugged. Mal nearly choked with laughter.

"That so?"

" _Shr ah_. Not like before, seeing everything, past present future all rolled into one, secrets beating round inside my head desperate to get out, time and space blurred by overuse. Now I get to choose. Mostly. Get to _read._ Not a million thoughts and possibilities shooting through my brain at the speed of light, too quick to see them all. Get to focus on what I want, hear the thoughts, see the possibilities and all the ways they can play out. But most's pointless. See things I can't change or don't want to. What's the point?"

"Guess on some calmsome planet wouldn't be much use. Out here in the black, though, use aplenty for you n' your talents. Just's there's use for your brother's doctorin and Kaylee's mechanics."

"And Jayne's guns?"

"And Jayne's guns," Mal said with a smile. "Though ideally puttin your talents to use prevents us from usin' his. And your brother's."

"Needed here. Like to be of useful sort." She stared out at the black, almost lookin wistful. Mal guessed it was basic human nature to want to be where you were needed. Where you were wanted. "Am I?" she asked suddenly. Mal started, wonderin what specifically she'd read in his thoughts she wanted to know about. "Wanted?" He swallowed harder'n he should've needed to and glanced away. Why'n the 'verse was he so tight in the chest at answerin that question?

"Course you are, darlin. Wouldn't be here if you weren't."

"Not true. Used to be Jayne was only needed, not wanted."

"Most times it's still that way," Mal laughed to break the tension.

"So which is it?" She studied him, eyes movin back and forth quick, like she was literally reading him, words in a book.

"'Spect you already know the answer to that, Albatross."

"Don't mean I don't want to hear you say it."

"You're wanted," he finally admitted. He could feel gorram heat creepin up his neck. River blinked at him slowly, a pleased look spreadin out on her face though she'd known the answer all along. "Right," Mal cleared his throat. "I'll be headin off to-" he stopped, unable to think of a single thing he ought to be doing right then. "I'll just be off." He turned on his heel and headed towards the kitchen, the sound of River's laughter echoing back to him as he went.

In the kitchen, Jayne was sittin with Zoey, playin a game of poker. They were playing for chores, and Jayne was grumblin as his pile kept getting bigger and bigger.

Mal chuckled at the pair then moved to make himself a quick meal.

On his way down to the engine room, he glanced into the bridge again. River wasn't even looking at him, and he was moving quietly, but still she spoke.

"Jayne's losing on purpose," she said matter of factly. Mal stopped, disbelief written all over his face. "It's true," River continued. "Takin all the chores he doesn't consider a pregnant woman ought to do."

" _Fong luh_ , I ain't given her no chores she can't handle."

"Didn't say takin all the chores she can't handle. Said takin all the chores he doesn't consider a pregnant woman ought to do." She shrugged.

"You're tellin me that Jayne, our Jayne, is treatin Zoey all fragile-like?"

"All's relative," she shrugged again. "Mother always told him bringin life into the world was the hardest job in the world. Who's to say?" Mal considered her words for a moment.

"Am I giving her too much? Anything she can't handle? Or shouldn't?"

"Relative," she repeated. Mal fought the urge to flick her forehead. River made a look of mock horror and put her palm to her forehead.

"For Zoey, I mean. Her specifically. Any of it too much?"

"Course not. If she knew he was doin it on purpose, Zoey'd draw her gun on him again. Cuz she'd shoot _you_ before she did anything might hurt the baby. Only in the leg, but still. Maybe the arm. Can't let anything hurt little Wash."

"She'd shoot me?" Mal cried indignantly. "Turncoat- wait, little Wash? She's havin a boy?"

River nodded. "He's adorable. And he didn't _mean_ to break your pocket watch, it was an accident."

"Pocket watch? I ain't got a pocket watch. And the kid ain't even born yet. How can he be breakin things I don't own?"

"You'll have one. It's a present." She smiled that I-know-something-you-don't-know smile at him again.

"A present?" Mal perked up, wonderin who gave him a present and what the occasion was. "Do I get it fixed? Will it still run? Wait- I refuse to worry about a kid who ain't even born breakin a watch I ain't been given yet. I don't care if it still runs." He shook his head and turned back towards the engine room. _Jien ta-duh gway_ would he care if the watch still ran. Runs. Would run. Sheesh.

"Everything that can be broken can be fixed," River called after him.

He'd surely like that to be the god's honest truth, but wasn't so sure.

….

A week passed, then two. Simon practically moved into Kaylee's bunk. The two of'em could be found in all manner of places on the ship with their lips locked. Unsettlin, that's what it was. Man ought to be able to get a cup of coffee in the mornin without seein his doc and engineer tanglin tongues. Course, he didn't have the heart to tell 'em to stop.

Jayne did it for him. Often and loudly. Said they were burnin his eyes right from their sockets. Even asked once if sex was uncomfortable with that stick still up Simon's ass. Kaylee just laughed and told him he was jealous. Then went back to kissin on her doc.

Zoey kept playin poker with Jayne, which meant that she still didn't know he was losin on purpose. It boggled Mal's mind that Jayne was doin something nice for someone else without getting payment for it. Moreso because it meant he had some chivalrous ideas 'bout women somewhere in that thick skull of his. Course he still managed to make a pain of himself every chance he got, but it endeared him a mite to Mal that he was concerned bout Zoey and her son.

Everyone in the crew seemed to be settlin in just fine. In so little time, the ship had gone from an empty shell to the home Mal'd grown to know and love. And weren't the doc that made it so. Much to his confusion, it was River that did it. He'd know having her back would bring a smidge of peace back to his heart- but just 'cause she was crew. Family. Like havin your crazy cousin home for the holidays. Right? But if that were the case, River'd be that cousin you always liked then one summer you had funny feelins for. 'Cause each time Mal saw her, his stomach did a funny little flip flop.

It was that look she kept giving him. That just-wait-till-you-figure-it-out smile. Those riddlesome comments she kept makin. And it scared the wits outta him that he liked them. His little Albatross, the reader who had whole conversations with Zoey's belly, the assassin who dropped Jayne in seconds when he wanted to train, the girl who played tag with Kaylee, the pilot who flew his ship with more precision than a professional- they were all _home_ to him. Somehow, impossibly, River meant home to him. And it scared the _shee-niou_ outta him.

"Don't be scared," River said quietly behind him. Mal whirled around, nearly jumpin out of his skin. He'd thought he was alone. It was the middle of the night, and he was on his watch. They divided the watches up between the crew, but he seemed to end up with most of the late night shifts. "'Cause you take them. More than your share."

"I'm up anyways," he grumbled. "What are you doin up, darlin?"

"Same as you. Awake, thinking. Exploring the future."

"See anything I oughta know bout in there?"

She flashed him that secret smile again. Mal wondered if she knew just how maddening that smile was. And if she did, was she doin it just to drive him crazy?

"Maybe," she admitted.

"Take pity on me, then, and tell me what is that's got you flashin me your Mona Lisa night and day. Man can only take so much, ya know." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, rocked back on his heels, wonderin if he was ready to hear what she had to say.

River studied him, her eyes flicking back and forth over his face in that way of hers. Reading him. Seeing all the possibilities and outcomes of her words. Not a single outcome was exactly what she wanted. But the truth would ease her path later on, she could see. She'd given him as much time as she could to acclimate to it. Would still knock him on his ass though.

"Listen, little Albatross, I ain't no reader, but I can see a few things for my own self. And I can see you sizing me up. Tryin to decide if I can take whatever this secret is that you've been holdin in. I ain't the strongest man in the 'verse, and I certainly ain't the smartest. But I got plenty of wits and strength about me to handle whatever this is. So spill it, little darlin."

"Don't say I didn't warn you," she murmured, looking up at him through her lashes. He only nodded, impatient. Finally, she locked her eyes on his. "It's you and me."

"You'n me what, River? You'n me win a geese juggling contest, you'n me fall down the rabbit hole to Wonderland, you'n me what?"

"You and me everything!" she exclaimed. "You and me cohabitating, you and me with kids, you and me growing old. You and me _together._ " She put her hand on his chest, but Mal stumbled back, shocked.

"I think we really did fall down that rabbit hole, Albatross. D-did you just say kids?" His mind kicked into overdrive, flashing a thousand images at him all at once. River with a little girl on her hip, both of them laughing as Mal and a little boy wrestled. River, her belly as big as Zoey's. River in a black wedding dress -black?- River naked in his arms, writhing in pleasure. " _Lao-tyen boo_ stop!" He put his hands over his eyes as if it might stop the erotic images now dancing in his vision.

"Stop what?" River looked at him, concerned.

"However you're doin that, projectin those pictures into my brain, stop!"

"Mal, I haven't projected anything into your head." She concentrated on his face, reading him. Then she gasped. " _Wu de tyen ah_ , Mal I didn't put those there. They're your visions. Your pictures."

"I ain't no reader, River."

"Bit of reader in all of us," she murmured, looking into his head again, admiring the pictures carefully. She smiled at the one with the children, flushed at the one with her naked. As the picture came to life in their minds, playing out like a movie, she gasped and blushed.

"No, stop!" Mal stopped the thoughts and backed up another step. "River this ain't right. You know it and I know it. That's not what's comin' for us."

"I've looked ahead for both of us a thousand different ways, Mal. Less one of us dies, this is how it ends up. It's the way its meant to be." She stepped closer to him and he stepped back once more. When he was brought up short by the wall, she laid her hand on his chest and leaned in.

"You tellin me it's fated or some such _fei hua?_ That its inescapable destiny? I don't believe in that, River. Didn't conjure you did, neither."

"Not fate or destiny. Fate doesn't quantify. Destiny isn't physiologically plausible. This just is. No other path. I leave, you leave, war, tragedy, same through it all. You and me. Compatible. It'll be good, Mal. I know it."

The image of them naked together flashed once more in his mind. He closed his eyes and grabbed her shoulders, pushin her away.

"You're wrong, River. Deadsome wrong. If that's what you're seein, then that brain of yours is lyin to you."

"Lying?" River narrowed her eyes at him, fury snapping in them. "Think my brain's wrong? Don't like the answers I give you? Ask the question, deny the truth, call me a liar?"

"I'm not-"

"Cut into my brain next? Poke and prod until you get the answer you want? Break with fear and burn with ignorance? Like witches on a pyre. Destroy what you can't accept. Twist it to suit your views on what's right. _Tian xiz shou you de ren dou gai si_."

"River! _Nah mei guan-shee_! That's not what I meant. You wanna read somethin? Read me right now and if you see any of that in my head you kill me right here. Right now. I ain't the alliance. I don't aim to kill what I can't make conform. Hell, this crew otta be proof of that. And I ain't never gonna try and make you change, little Albatross. Nothin wrong with you the way you are. I didn't mean to call you a liar, but you gotta admit that this ain't exactly normal, what we're talkin bout here." He rubbed her shoulders lightly, soothingly. The idea of her thinking he could be like those _go se_ alliance animals that hurt her made him sick to his stomach.

"Normal doesn't figure in, Mal. Never gonna be normal. Just tellin you the way it is. The way it will be." She sighed and let her forehead drop against his chest, resting there. "Warned you. Told you you wouldn't like it. You didn't listen."

"That you did, darlin, that you did. Can't say I ever figured that'd be what you were holdin in though. Knocked me on my ass."

"Knew it would," she smirked against his shirt.

"Now listen to me. I ain't sain your lyin. But this, tween us," he gestured between them, "can't happen. 'Verse's just gonna haveta get over it. There'd be all sortsa sticky complications from you and me doin...that. One of which involves a special hell for me. And I ain't fixin to go to the special hell. So we're just gonna have to forget any of this ever happened and go back to the way things were. _Dong ma?_ "

"No goin back, Mal. Can't be done. 'Sides, Book was talkin bout Saffron when he told you bout the special hell. And I looked, there wasn't any special hell mentioned in his fairy tale book."

"Now I don't think the preacher would be too keen on you referin to his bible as a fairy tale book, rest his soul. But that don't change the facts. You're younger than Saffron was! What would you wanna be with an old man like me for anyhow?"

"Not old. Tempered. Tested. Tried. Like me up here," she tapped the side of her head. "And physically, you're never more than seven."

"Seven?" Mal arched a brow. "Darlin, I can guarantee I'm more'n seven. Hell I got bits of me that are more'n quadruple that." River just shook her head.

"Never more than seven. Body reproduces each cell every seven years."

"Be that as it may, I ain't felt seven years old since...hell since 'fore you were even born."

"And me?"

"What do you mean?"

"Feel is what counts? Feelin the age? Then what about me? Haven't felt young in a hundred lifetimes. Lived a thousand more. Don't feel like a girl. Half the time feel like a crone. Am I too old for you then?"

Mal rested his forehead in his hand and sighed. Reasonin with her was like tryin to nail protein jelly to a tree. Why was he even botherin?

"Good question." She tipped his face back up to hers and he scowled. "Have I ever steered you wrong, captain?"

"Just 'cause you ain't done it yet don't mean I oughtta jump your bones here and now."

"Don't want to?" She cocked her head to the side, studying him patiently.

"Gorramit River, that's not fair. 'Specially since you already know the answer."

"Nope. Blocked it out. Private thoughts. Even bout me. Didn't intrude on your personal. Maybe it's the dress? The boots? Prefer the painted face?" She stepped back and held out the hem of the floaty skirt she wore and pointed the toe of her black combat boots. The sight of her in 'em brought a smile to Mal's face. When he realized it, he scowled again.

"You know I ain't keen on the 'painted face.' Don't take to puttin on airs. You're fine just the way you are."

"Fine? That's all?"

"More'n fine, if you must know." He couldn't help the way his heart melted a little at the grin on her face.

"Just tell me this, Mal. Isn't it what you want?" Her eyes searched his. Mal wanted to say no, of course it wasn't. He wanted to deny it. Wanted to tell her she had it all wrong. But she didn't. That was the hell of it. She was everything he'd never known he'd always wanted. Home. "For me too," she whispered. "You, Serenity. Home." Mal was afraid he'd get lost in her eyes. Felt as if his whole heart and soul were open to her an' on display. It was terrifying and exhilarating and amazing. River went up to her tip toes and brushed her lips over Mal's. Soft-like. Just a breath of a touch. Then she lowered back down and hugged him. Nothing sexual. Wrapped her arms around his ribs and hugged him close. After a moment, Mal couldn't hold back any longer. He put his arms around her shoulders and enjoyed the feel of her there against him.

They stayed like that long while. Not talkin, just holdin. Breathing in and out, considering the whole 'verse and nothin at all. Thinking 'bout each other and how much they'd both wanted to be in that exact spot, in each other's arms, for so long. Mal hadn't even realized how bad the longing was until he had her there with him.

"Listen, little Albatross, if'n we do this thing, and I ain't sayin we will, we do it on my terms." He pulled her away enough to look her in the eye. "That means no rushin, no talk of writhing or babies or any of that. You keep an eye out for our future, I ain't denyin that, but you let me take care of the present. And maybe, _maybe_ I can get through this without getting socked by your brother or endin up burnin in some special corner of hell."

River smiled up at him serenely, content to let him lead. " _Mei wen ti._ You take care of our now and I'll watch our tomorrows."

"Right, then. Good. Glad we got that sorted." Mal realized he still had his arms around her and tried, honest he did, to let her go, but his limbs wouldn't quite cooperate. "You… you should be gettin' to bed now, darlin. Wouldn't want any _wei shan_ befallin' you."

"Perfectly safe on Serenity. Even safer in your arms."

"Little girl, don't you know there are bad, bad men on a ship like this? Men who would like nothing more than to _wuh hwai rong nee shung kai roo hua_?"

"Any of those men here right now?" River asked him with a cheeky grin.

Mal didn't know whether to chide her or kiss her, so he tried to settle for a disapproving frown. "Take the second option, given the choice," she whispered.

"That's it, off to bed with you!" He finally found the will to release her and pushed her gently away. River turned back to look at him fond-like, making his heart pound. In a flash, she slipped back to him, pressed a kiss to his lips, then darted away again. Her laughter floated back to him through the hall like petals on a soft breeze. Mal pressed his fingers lightly to his lips as if he could capture the feeling of the kiss there. If'n she was right about what the future held for them, then that wouldn't be the last kiss she gave him. The thought had him grinnin' like a loon and he didn't even notice.


	2. WHERE THERE'S A WILL, JAYNE FINDS A WAY

PART TWO: WHERE THERE'S A WILL, JAYNE FINDS A WAY

Jayne liked to think he was a simple man. He liked weapons, women, and money - in that order. He'd signed on to work with Mal because it promised him more of the third and better chance of the second. The first, well that he could manage all on his own.

Since that _tze sah ju yi_ mess on Meranda, they'd been gettin' plenty of job offers, an' the captain was only takin' the law-abidin' ones. Seemed pointless to Jayne, for them to be goin' straight after so many years of bein' the criminals, but the pay was good so he didn't complain.

Only thing that he had to gripe about was the lack of his second favorite thing. Weren't no whore houses on any of the last dozen rocks they'd set down on. Now, Jayne could go a while if'n he needed to. Hell, there'd been times when he'd been without 'nythin but his palm for longer than he cared think on. But those had been out in the black, stuck in a ship with an endless sea of stars 'tween him and anything he could sink himself into. Lately that hadn't been the case. There'd been plenty of places they could've gone that had _ma tze,_ Mal jus' wasn't landin on 'em.

He'd spent all of the night before alternating between prowling his bunk, polishing Vera, and takin' himself _in hand_ , and decided he'd had enough. He was goin' to march right up to Mal and demand that they stop at the next moon that had a decent whore house. Hell, who was he kidding? He'd settle for a Pig Farm at this point. Didn't much care how fancy the girls were, only that they were clean and takin' coin. He had a whole speech planned out. Didn't they stop on central planets for the doc's medical bits and bobs? And on the mechanic outposts for Kaylee's parts? Well his guns were just as important to the crew as those things, and if he didn't start gettin' some _action_ , so to speak, then his guns were gonna explode.

Nobody wanted that. Not nohow.

He stomped up to the cockpit all ready to make his case only to stop short just as he stepped inside.

"-sure about this, little Albatross? Seems a mite risky to me. Tenzeen's at the corner of no and where. Sides, this job doesn't pay as high as some'o the others."

"Tenzeen? Take it," Jayne finally found his tongue and didn't bother to hide his excitement. "Don't ruttin' care what the job is, take it!"

"Jayne," Mal greeted him with a tight smile, backing half a step away from where River was curled in the pilot's chair. "As always, your opinions about my decisions will be given their due consideration. That is, none at all."

"Gorramit, Mal, this is _serious_."

"I can see that by'n the fact that it's got you all in a quiver. But I still don't need your input on what jobs we take. Specially when all you're thinkin' bout is findin' your next Vera." Mal started to turn back to River, but Jayne's truly hurt expression stopped him.

"How dare you," Jayne growled. "Nothin' and no one could _ever_ replace Vera, you cold _wong ba duhn._ But even if that _was_ possible, you keepin' me supplied in guns is what keeps this crew outta the ground. We'da been popsicles when your _wife_ left us jammed up that time without Vera, remember? And wasn't it my ammo that got us through that bloodbath with the reavers? Don't think that jus' cause we're takin' legit jobs nowadays that we don't need no gunpower."

"Told you," River sing-songed quietly. Mal looked between the two of them with an exasperated sigh.

"Fine," he groused. "But only cause I was already givin' the job serious consideration. Could be that we do need to shore up our defences, just in case."

"Yes!" Jayne pumped his fist in the air excitedly, ignoring the amused looks from River and Mal. "What's the job?"

"Smith there's havin' trouble gettin access to proper supplies. Wants'ta see about recruiting a ship to bring 'em out direct."

"Smith on Tenzeen? What's'is name?"

"Starsic, Will Starsic."

The look on Jayne's face would'a been comical if Mal wasn't half afraid the man was havin' a brain bleed. " _Will Starsic_? Our job's for Will ruttin' Starsic?"

"That a problem?"

"That's not a problem, that's _Christmas_! _How shi sung chung_ he's the best smith at this end of the 'verse! Never had the chance to work with him direct, mind, but I've seen his stuff. Hell, Vera's mods were done by Starsic. Man's a genius when it comes to weapons. Reputation a mile wide for bein' meaner'n a rattlesnake and bout as much of a stuffed shirt as you 'bout right'n wrong. _Cutters Code_ , heard he calls it. Won't work for slavers, alliance, or blacklisters. Has a good enough business that 'e don't need their coin anyhow."

"Don't work with feds, huh? Well, that just makes me all warm'n fuzzy inside. River, get us there double time. I'm more'n happy to work for a fellow rebel."

River gave the men one of her classic enigmatic smiles and increased the ship's speed, not bothering to try and hide the fact that she'd already input the coordinates before Mal had agreed to the trip.

…..

The job wasn't the most dangerous caper they'd ever done, but it was like to be the strangest. They'd been met by the smith's sister, a stooped woman dressed in far too many layers for the planet's perpetual and oppressive heat, then left to dither as the smith himself was 'preoccupied' by other matters. River'n Jayne were the only ones to take the news in stride. River just smiled in that just-you-wait way of hers, and Jayne was too busy inspecting every bit of work the smith had laying in the shop to complain.

Zoe, who Mal had counted on to help push things along - after all, her patience, which had been thin before little Wash had come along, was positively nonexistent now that she had a little'un to attend to - but she was a lost cause. From the first bite she'd taken of the smith's sister's food, she'd been nothing but smiles and accommodatin'. _It'd be another day? Three more meals? That's fine - are there seconds of this?_ Kaylee'n the doc weren't much help neither, still caught up in the bliss of bein newly engaged.

Mal had been about to cut his losses and get them the _guai_ off the worthless planet when a transpo ship showed up. Was meant to be carryin' supplies for the smith, bits he needed from off world. Like'ta would've been an easy transaction, too, except the suppliers wanted double the agreed on amount for the merch. When the stooped sister refused, the crew got a bit techy. One of 'em drew their gun, then all hell broke loose.

When the dust finally settled, the two transporters that weren't corpsified fled back to their ship, the stooped sister had become a six foot tall built-like-a-brick-house _yao nu_ named Wilma- better known as Will, and Jayne was practically drooling at the feet of the woman who'd saved his life.

Over dinner that night, Will shared her story with them. Raised by a father who'd wanted a son and a mother determined to keep her a daughter, she'd learned to mod a mag and cook a meal equally well. Out in the more distant planets, though, smith work was more lucrative work, so she'd set up her shop. Not long after, she had a reputation for clean and thorough work. Still, there were men enough that wouldn't take work from a woman. Since her breasts were too big for her to pass as a man - Jayne's face had turned a bright shade of puce at that comment - she'd contented herself to being Will's 'sister.' The arrangement had worked well for years. Long enough for her to get a rep for being the best.

But being based on a small, outer planet meant she had to work with transporters for her goods. Some were honest and reliable, but most were sporadic at best, and more'n that tried to cheat the woman who dealt with them, not realizing it was shrewd Will herself.

Mal would've been happy to take on the transport jobs - after all, the pay would've been more'n worth the trip - but two nights later there'd been a change in plan. Stead of leavin' with a job, they'd left with a new crew member. One who'd moved right into Jayne's bunk as if she'd always been there. Mal wanted to complain. He tried. But 'tween the meals that woman could whip up from next to nothing an' the jobs she brought in, the new arrangement was nothin' but beneficial for him.

…

It should have been difficult, Jayne thought, to adjust to the permanent addition of a woman in his life. He'd never before shared a bed with a woman for more'n a night, let alone thought about till-death-shall-you-part. Then again, he'd never been with a woman who could bench press him and - heaven help him - out shoot him. So instead of fights and adjustments and compromises he wouldn't have been willing to make, he found his biggest change was havin' someone who knew what the _feh feh pi goh_ he was takin' about when he said the TES28 converters were too light on the ass end and the barrells needed a vert mod. That, and all the wild sex. The wild, frequent, _loud_ sex.

Thankfully for the rest of the crew, River'd found a way to soundproof their bunk a week later. If Mal hadn't known any better, he'd've thought she'd been workin on it _before_ Will had joined onto the crew.

"Course I did," she whispered to him with a smile, slipping her arms around his waist from behind.

" _Da shiong la se la ch'wohn tian,_ woman, are'ya tryin ta give me a heart attack?"

"No blockages," she cocked her head to the side and appraised him. "Myocardial infarction unlikely. Perhaps someday, if you don't cut back on the _katsudon_."

"You know exactly what in the ruttin' hell I mean, River Tam. Sneakin' up on people's like to give 'em a start."

"Noted. Wear the boots next time, then. So you can hear my approach."

Mal looked down at her delicate, bare feet. "That's not- I mean, don't do nothin' contrary on my 'count."

"Like my bare feet," River surmised with a soft blush.

"That's not what I- gorramit girl, you talk me in circles. I ain't makin no comment 'bout your feet, clad or no. An' if you knew that _gwai ma jeow_ was fixin to happen, ya could'a warned me."

"Warned you what? Jayne would find his other half, Serenity would find a cook an' a smith? Would you have believed me?"

"Course I would have!" Mal insisted. "Might'a thought twice 'bout makin the stop, but I know better'n to doubt your foresight."

"If you hadn't made the stop, Will wouldn't be there to teach Wash to modify his pistol for a lefty, an' Simon'n Kaylee would only have two kids stead of three, which would mean-"

"No, wait, stop. Not my place to hear all that. Future's your business, darlin, not mine. I'll just keep us grounded in the present, thank you very kindly."

"Fine." River stretched up onto her tip toes to press a kiss to Mal's lips. He froze up for a moment, then let out a slow breath, smiled against her, and kissed back. This kissin' business was still new to him - with River as the kissee, anyway - but it certainly wasn't unpleasant. "And to answer your question," River added when they'd parted, "no, they don't. Will can't. But they never regret it, and they have so many honorary nieces and nephews around that it hardly matters."

"I didn't ask," Mal insisted, holding his hands up.

"Yes, you did."

"Fine, I did." Mal kissed River's smiling lips once more, then rested his chin against the top of her head as he held her. "An' they're happy together?"

"They are. Jayne could've looked the whole 'verse over and not found a better match."

"Good thing he had you lookin' for him, then."

"Good thing," River agreed.


	3. DR AND MRS TAM

PART THREE: DR AND MRS TAM

They both thought the wedding would be a small affair. After all, who would'a thought space outlaws (though technically they'd been cleared of charges after the fall of the Old Alliance) would have a crowd wantin' to celebrate their to-have-and-hold?

Thing was, Serenity an' her crew had touched a lot of lives cross the 'verse during their time in the sky. Even folk that hadn't been helped by Kaylee or the doc directly wanted to be included in the festivities. By time all was said an' done, Persephone became the weekend home of pirates, gunslingers, doctors, engineers, hackers, an' every other sort.

Jayne'n Will were havin' the time of their lives runnin security for the event, and Inara had come from the Training House to be Kaylee's _nupu rongyu_. Somehow, Mal had ended up bein' an impromptu wedding planner. And while he groused 'bout it to high heaven, he still made ruttin sure that every detail went off without a hitch. Then, when River and Simon walked up to the altar arm in arm, Mal had another flash of the vision he'd had the year before, of River making that same trip, wearing an ethereal black dress and smilin at him in the way she had that drove him to distraction. He shook his head to clear it, reminded himself that this was Simon and Kaylee's day, then slipped away to make sure the rest of the procession was in place.

The wedding went off without a hitch, much to everyone's surprise. Whether it was the careful supervision of Mal, or the steely glares from Jayne an' Will (and even Zoe, who managed to look threatening while wearing the frilly pink dress Kaylee had picked out), Kaylee never knew. All she knew was that finally, _finally_ , Simon was hers. Really, truly, till-death-did-them-part. As she'd watched little Wash tottle down the aisle clutching a satin pillow while holding Petaline's daughter, Nandi's hand, she wondered if she'n Simon would have littles of their own. Would they be genius like the Tams, or have her affinity for machines? Would they be as precocious as she'd been, as loyal as Simon, as graceful as River?

"Don't you dare go ruining that beautiful makeup with tears, _mei mei,_ " Inara whispered to her with a smile.

"I won't," Kaylee promised, sniffling to hold back the tears that had, indeed, been threatening to fall. "I'm jus- jus' happy, ya'know? I mean, if you'd told me a few years ago that I'd be marryin' a rich, handsome doctor, I'd have said you were _g'en ho tze bi dio se_."

"And yet, here we are."

"'xactly. It's like some fairy tale or somethin'. Can't really be my life, can it?" She looked back at Inara as if to confirm that she really was marrying the man she loved. Inara laughed.

"It can, and it is. You're about to go out there and marry Simon Tam. In an hour, you'll be Mrs Kaylee Tam, best engineer this side of the universe and wife to the best doctor on the other side."

"Yeah," Kaylee agreed dreamily. "Yeah, I will, won't I?" She was smilin' so wide that she almost missed the way Inara's eyes strayed to the woman she'd brought as her guest to the wedding. Almost. "And when I'm Mrs Tam, you're finally gonna tell me who that _piow liang_ you traveled here with is, right?"

"I already introduced you to Serina."

"A name don't explain why you keep lookin' her way, an' why she keeps lookin yours," Kaylee hinted with a grin. Inara blushed prettily. "She's a beautiful woman," she observed with a suspicion forming.

"That she is," Inara whispered, her eyes never leaving Serena. Kaylee let out a little squeal and started to ask more questions, but Inara forestalled them all by saying it was her turn to go down the aisle.

By the time Kaylee made the trip with Mal escorting her, all thoughts of Inara and her glamourous friend were forgotten. She only had eyes for Simon, and he only had eyes for her. When they kissed for the first time as husband an' wife, the crowd erupted in cheers.

…

Kaylee spent two days in Zoe's bunk a year after the wedding. No amount of requests, cajoling, or threats could sway Zoe into telling the increasingly confused menfolk what was goin' on. Simon was at his wit's end by the time she emerged, still nervous but more sure of herself and happy.

Seven months after that, Jewel made her appearance into the world.

Three years after that, while Jewel and Wash played under Will's watchful eye, the twins were born.

River, standing at the door holding Mal's hand, looked at their familiar faces and smiled. "Little souls, big world," she whispered.

"What was that, darlin'?" Mal asked, blinking back the tears that were _not_ stinging his eyes. River just smiled and shook her head.

"Crew's almost complete," she said instead. Mal cocked his head at her, debating on asking but then deciding against it. She was the future, he was the present. That was their deal. River giggled. "Hope you're not 'specially attached to that shirt."

"This? Gorramit, this is my favorite- oh no, no you don't. Last time you had me change into those spiffy trousers, Kaylee called me Captain Tightpants again for a week. I'm not fallin for it again. Not nohow."

"Suit yourself," River shrugged.

An hour later, when Mal's favorite shirt was covered -simultaneously- with urine, vomit, and a spectacular amount of baby poop, he just closed his eyes, let out a longsuffering sigh, and thought very loudly, _this is your fault, wench_.

River's laughter could be heard all the way from the bridge.


	4. THE WASHBURN ADVENTURES

PART FOUR: THE WASHBURN ADVENTURES

Zoe liked to be prepared. Whether when goin' out on a caper or just stocking up on supplies, she planned ahead and made sure she was ready for any eventuality.

Little Wash seemed determined to throw a wrench in those plans - sometimes literally.

From the first time she'd even realized he existed, her son was a shock that she couldn't have prepared for. In all her grieving over Wash, it hadn't even occurred to her to think she might be carryin'. And maybe that shoulda' been her first hint that this parenting thing was gonna be a _kwong-juh duh._

She was unprepared for the colossal losing streak Jayne would have at poker during her pregnancy, which would result in her having almost no chores to do and a lot of spare time on her hands. She was unprepared for the swift, fierce sense of _love_ she felt for the babe growing inside of her. Not that she thought she wouldn't care for her child, but in light of the circumstances, she'd planned to deal with grief, doubt, maybe even regret. An' she had her fair share of dark moments, sure enough, but the love overshadowed all of that.

Despite all the careful preparations she'd made for his arrival into the world, she was totally unprepared for Little Wash to make his first appearance right at the kitchen table while she was _trying_ to get some much deserved food. River could'a at least warned her about _that_.

But what she was most unprepared for, what turned stoic, unwavering Zoe into a watery eyed mess, was holding her son for the first time. He didn't look a thing like Wash. He was an alarming shade of pink, squish faced an' nearly cross eyed. And yet… he was half of Wash. Half the man she'd loved and lost. Despite the fact that she'd refused to acknowledge River callin' the baby Little Wash all during her pregnancy, Zoe finally accepted that, yes, this was going to be Little Wash after all. Half Zoe, half Wash, and all his own person. He'd have the best of both of them, she was sure.

Of course, she was right. Which was somethin' that she _still_ couldn't have prepared for, despite hoping for it.

Because how was she supposed to prepare for her son being able to fly the _gorram_ shuttle at five _gorram_ years old so _gorram_ well that it took ten _gorram_ minutes to catch him and bring him back to the _gorram_ ship?

How was she supposed to prepare for a child who could be so taciturn when he wanted to be that he went an entire fortnight without utterin' a single word in protest of the crew's plan to kill and eat the duck they'd picked up on the last planet? She hadn't expected his calm, wordless protest would eventually sway every single member of the crew, and that Will would eventually make an artificial duck roast that tasted almost as good as the real one would have. And no one in their right mind could possibly have expected her to be prepared for her and Wash's room to suddenly become home to an affectionate _duck_.

The fact that River had presented her with a wicker nest and miniature pond the day before only served to prove the point. No one _in their right mind_ would have.

After Quackers, Zoe gave up tryin' to be prepared for anything involving her son. Which was probably jus' as well, because he continued to defy foresight, to all excepting River.

From then on, a whole new world of adventures opened up to Zoe and Little Wash. A supply run into the Persephone market became a treasure hunt in an enchanted forest. Target practice became cutting down monsters in the jungle. Even loading the trash compactor turned into feeding a hungry beast. With a little imagination and a whole lotta patience, the universe became a playground to a blonde haired little boy and a duck named Quackers who was never far from his heels.

Zoe learned to embrace life as she watched her son grow up, never losing the bittersweet ache at wishing Wash could have been there to see it grow, but happier than she'd ever thought she would be again. She didn't much believe in God, but still she sent up a prayer of thanks the day Little Wash got his first fully modified gun from Will, another the day River gave him his first flying lesson, another the day he learned from Kaylee how to repair the tesa gasket so that the couplers wouldn't split.

Then one day she was standing in a little church on Solar 3 watching Kaylee and Simon's daughter, Summer, walk toward Wash in a white dress. Part of her was almost sad that their adventures together - just the two of them against the world - were coming to an end. But she knew that this was just the start of a whole new set of adventures. Helping them navigate life as newlyweds, trying to convince Quackers the third that Summer's hair was _not_ a nest, getting ready for the babies that would eventually come - oh _tee wuh duh pee-goo_ Zoe was _not_ old enough to be a grandmother…

In another moment, the minister caught the last of the goslings that he'd been juggling and pronounced the couple wed. Wash kissed his bride and then turned to face the crowd, a small plastic dinosaur that had once belonged to his father peeking out of his breast pocket. Zoe looked upwards, aiming for the general universe, and prayed again, this time that wherever _her_ Wash was, he was proud of the family he'd left behind.


	5. THE AMBASSADOR AND HER COMPANION

PART FIVE: THE AMBASSADOR AND HER COMPANION

When Inara had left the Training House all those years ago, she'd been dying. She'd wanted to see the universe, know what else life had to offer than the carefully ordered path she'd chosen. And see it she had. On Serenity, she'd traveled from one end of the universe to the other. She'd made friends, fallen in love, and had even found a cure. She'd been given back the rest of her life. And yet…

Leaving Serenity had been the hardest decision she'd ever made. What she felt for Mal - well it defied explanation. But there was too much history between them, more history than they would ever be able to surpass. They were friends, and if that friendship stood even the slightest chance of surviving, then the strained romance that kept blooming between them needed to die first. So she'd returned to the training house, determined to force her heart to turn to stone.

Of course, it hadn't been long before she'd found herself embroiled in the fate of Serenity and her crew once more. Still, she'd kept herself strong. When the story of Miranda had broken, Inara had returned to the training house yet again.

It had been even harder to leave the second time, but not for the same reasons. Yes, Mal had tempted her. But what she realized she missed even more than the banter and sexual tension between she and the Captain, had been the companionship. Ironic, considering her profession, but there it was.

Life at the training house was lonely. The girls there had already long passed the point where they sought affection or comfort in another. Oh, there were dalliances between the girls, but those were borne of convenience or simple physical desire. It was too competitive for true friendships to form. Inara found that she missed the genuine, unaffected laughter of Kaylee, and even the gruff, crass jokes Jayne often made. She missed being somewhere she could be totally herself and have people like her for it. Not the version they paid for, but just Inara, exactly as she was.

And then she met Serina. Though she was as beautiful as the dawn and more graceful than a starling in flight, her seniors at the training house despaired of her ever becoming a successful companion. She was too honest, too blunt, too free with her opinions. Beneath her angelic exterior she had a spine of steel and an uncompromising will. Companions were meant to be fluid in all things. There was no place among them for those who stood their ground to the last.

Still, Serina was, despite everything, happy. She almost reminded Inara of Kaylee, the way she could see the positive side of any situation. The main difference between the women was that while Kaylee's optimism was often borne of innocence and faith in the goodness of people, Serina's cheerfulness came from her decision to be, despite knowing the harsh realities of the world.

The house matron had thought that perhaps Inara, the wanderer amongst them, could stamp out the nonconformity in Serina. That, having seen and done so much, she could be a steadying influence on the younger woman, perhaps even teach her that following one's own path did not lead to happiness. After all, hadn't Inara returned to the fold?

But instead of Inara breaking Serina's spirit, she found herself being drawn in by it.

During their second lesson, Serina had gotten distracted watching a fox chase a shrew. When the pair had moved on, Serina had followed, bringing Inara - sighing in frustration - in her wake. Three hours later they'd ended up at the base of a waterfall, their faces dirty and clothes much worse for the wear. Three tiny fox kits watched them from a den close by. When Serina waded into the shallow water to cool herself, Inara didn't even try to chastise her. Instead, she took off her shoes and joined her in the pool.

Serina would later claim that Inara had seduced her with her poise and indulgence. Inara claimed that Serina had worked her wiles instead. But it didn't matter, because they reached for each other at the same time, and from that first kiss in the warm spray of the waterfall, they were both lost.

By the time Kaylee sent Inara a wave telling her of Simon and River's return to Serenity and her almost instant engagement, Inara knew it was time to leave the training house again. The Matron was already frowning her disapproval of their less than subtle dalliance. Serina hadn't outright begun refusing to take clients, but she'd gotten so selective of them that it was obvious she had other preferences.

Inara began to split her time between the training house and Serenity, helping Kaylee plan for the wedding. At first, she didn't mention Serina. Not that she had anything to hide, or that she was ashamed of her, but because she wasn't quite ready to share Serina with her patch work family yet. Not to mention, she hadn't been sure how Mal would take the news. Had he been pining for her all this time? Would he be disappointed that she'd chosen another? She knew he was too honorable - in his own, jing-tzahng mei yong-duh way - to push her or even show his jealousy if that was the case, but she didn't want to cause him pain or put Serina in an uncomfortable situation.

One look at Mal and River together had laid all those fears to rest. Inara never would have dreamed of the match, but once she saw it, there was nothing that made more sense. Where Inara and Mal had been hot and cold, clashing at every turn, River and Mal were complementary to each other. They were like jagged pieces of a battered puzzle that somehow still fit together. How had Inara never noticed it before? It was almost as though they'd been together in another life, in a dozen past lives. As if they were inevitable.

If only she could convince Mal of that. It would save him a lot of time spent denying himself. But it wasn't her place to interfere, and River seemed to have the situation well in hand.

By Kaylee's wedding, Inara introduced Serina to the crew. They had all accepted her presence without question. Aside from a single, teasing question from Kaylee as she waited to walk down the aisle, no one even asked what her relationship with Serina was.

No one, that was, except Mal.

"So," he drawled, leaning casually against the wall next to Inara and watching the dance floor, "I've been thinkin'-"

"Not your strong suit," Inara interjected with a smile. Mal scratched his nose and nodded.

"No, indeed. Still, been thinkin', might be nice t'have our ambassador back on board full time. We've been doin' well 'nough, mind, what with staying on the straight an' narrow lately, but can't say as I wouldn't appreciate the extra… class you bring to the crew."

"Nor the extra doors that are open to you when I'm on board, surely."

"Them as well," Mal agreed with a grin.

Inara watched Serina dance with Simon, smiling when she whispered something to him that made him blush. "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't considered returning to Serenity permanently," she admitted. "But there are… other factors in my decision."

"They givin' you trouble up at that trainin' house? 'Cuz you just say the word and we'll make a one time exception to our newfound lawfullness and steal you right out from under their jien huo noses."

"No, nothing like that." Inara rested her hand on Mal's arm and gave it a grateful squeeze. Despite the fact that there was nothing romantic remaining between them, it was good to know that Mal would still drop everything to rescue her. "But if I were to come back… it wouldn't be alone."

Mal followed her gaze to Serina. "Blondie, huh?"

"Serina, yes."

"She still trainin' or somethin'? Like an apprentice?"

"No, she is fully qualified. I am not her mentor. She's my-" Inara paused, not quite sure how to phrase it. They'd never really labeled what had grown between them. There hadn't been need to. But now, perhaps, it was time. "She's my companion."

"As in-" Mal stopped, looking between the two of them with wide eyes.

"In every sense of the word." She waited, unsure as to what his reaction would be despite how well she knew him. After a beat, a wolfish grin broke across his face.

"Well now, ain't that somethin'. Our ambassador got herself a companion. Should'a said so from the start. Hell, that saves us an extra bunk."

"I'm not sure she'll agree to come," Inara hedged. Serina wanted to be wherever Inara was, but could she really ask Serina to give up the stability of the companion house for the uncertainty of endless black?

"Fahng-tzong fung-kwong duh jeh, 'Nara, I don't think that's somethin' you've got to doubt. From the way she's lookin' over here now, I'd say that girl looks to follow you 'cross the whole 'verse if necessary."

"I should be so lucky."

They stood there in silence for a beat longer, watching one dance end and another begin. Inara was just about to cut into Serina and Jayne's dance when Mal cocked his head at her.

"So, does that mean the two of you do your companionin' together?"

Inara laughed. "Wouldn't you like to know."

"Darlin', there ain't a hot blooded creature in god's creation that don't wanna know. And watch. Definitely watch."

"I think River would have a few choice words to say about you watching." Inara gestured over to where River stood halfway across the room. River studied them for a moment, head cocked as if she could hear exactly what they were saying. Which, of course, she could. A moment later she grinned and waggled her eyebrows.

Inara was treated to a phenomenon she'd never seen before. Malcom Reynolds blushed red as a rose, then stalked over to River and fairly dragged her from the room, River's laughter echoing in their wake.

Inara wasn't sure if he intended to kiss the girl or take her over his knee, but she got the feeling that River wouldn't mind either one. Smothering a smile, Inara made her way over to Serina just in time to rescue her from Jayne's awful dipping skills. It didn't take more than one look to know that Mal was right. Serina would follow Inara anywhere. And despite all the things that could have, that perhaps should have, made it difficult, Serina would fit into the crew of Serenity as if she'd been made for it.


	6. FUTURE BECOMES PRESENT

PART SIX: FUTURE BECOMES PRESENT

It was one thing for Mal to accept that by some power in the 'verse, River was meant to be his. It was a whole 'nother to accept that one day now he'd be taking her to bed.

It weren't just her age, neither, though that was enough to make him a mite squeamish bout the whole thing. Weren't her level of innocence, whatever that may be, though Book's lectures about the special hell still rang in his ears any time his mind wandered to more… carnal pursuits. No, it was the enormity of it that had him settin her away whenever things seemed to be getting too tyen-shiao duh.

If'n River was right about this, and he was sure she was - not just because her sight hadn't steered him wrong yet, but also because he could feel it - then she would be the last woman he ever slept with. His first time with her would be his last first time. Would be her last first time. Run-tse duh fwotzoo, it might be her only first time, and if that weren't pressure, he didn't know what was.

Aiya, what if he messed it up somehow? It wasn't like he'd had much chance to practice lately. And he was glad of that, really. Mostly. A little. Wasn't like he wanted to be warmin' some jien huo's bed when the woman who looked to be his future wife was on board. But still, maybehaps a little warnin' aforehand might've let him get one more in under his belt. One that didn't matter if he went off too soon or was a little too rough or he still had gun powder on his fingers.

But that time had come and gone, and now he knew a mite about what the future held for him, and heaven help him, he didn't want to be in any other woman's bed. He wanted River. Whether he'd cock it up - no pun intended - was the only thing left to be seen.

"That why you've been holding back?" River's soft voice came from behind him, nearly making him jump outta his gorram skin.

"Gao yang jong duh goo yang, River, I swear to Lao TYEN yeh I'm gonna put a bell on you."

River smiled a little, seein' something he couldn't. "Pretty little collar with a pretty little bell. Good kitty, bad kitty, which do you prefer?"

Mal felt the blush creep up his neck and cursed it. What was it about this woman that made him so bashful-like? "Don't you be puttin' any kinky ideas into my brain pan little Albatross. Got enough there already without your help."

"Wouldn't know, haven't looked," River assured him. "Besides, don't need to. Know it'll go well."

"Oh yeah? And how do you know that? Got it packed away in a file on that super computer of yours?" He tapped her temple gently. River just smiled and shook her head.

"Probably. But don't need to go looking for it. Know because s'you. Us. Wouldn't stick around if there weren't something to stick around for."

"So you'd leave me if I was a lousy lay?" Mal cocked one brow and fought to suppress his grin.

River raised her chin and looked down her nose at him, though guay if Mal knew how she did it, considerin she was half a foot shorter than him. "Maybe. Just have'ta prove otherwise," she challenged. Mal growled and pulled her into his arms. Tai-kong suo-yo duh shing-chiou sai-jin wuh duh pee-goo, she could be infuriating sometimes… but damnit if he didn't love her for it. River pressed her face against his chest and smiled.

"You wouldn't happen to be pushin this because Inara an' her pretty little companion are on board with us now, right?"

"Rivalry? Jealousy?" River studied him for a moment seeing who-knew-what, then shook her head. "Serina has Inara's heart. They are xīnxīnxiāngyìn. Halves of the same whole. Not worried about you and Inara. Don't want what they have, either. Want what we have. Just don't want to wait any more. I've waited lifetimes for you, Mal. Isn't that long enough?"

Mal ran a shaky hand over his face. "Tzao-gao, River, when you put it like that-" He broke off when River took his hand and began pulling him towards his bunk. "I ain't even made up my mind yet," he protested feebly. "Shouldn't you be gettin to bed hereabouts now?"

"I really should," River agreed, to his surprise. She grinned. "Gettin to your bed."

Mal groaned and stopped putting up even token resistance. Weren't no use. River knew how to get what she wanted, and by some stroke of luck, he was what she wanted. He'd just have to spend the rest of his life tryin to be worthy of her.

"Arbitrary construct," River murmured, locking the door behind them and pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth. "No one can regulate, no quantities can be measured. Worth is meaningless. Only want matters. And that won't change."

"Wait till I'm old an' crotchety an' can't see no more."

"Already old and crotchety," River teased with a smile. Mal nipped at her ear in retribution for the insult. River melted into him with a breathy sigh.

"River… darlin'... you know I don't much care to prod into the past. God knows I got one of my own that I ain't proud of. But before we get too ahead of ourselves here, I need to know how much… experience you got in these matters. I don't want-" River had started to pull away from him and Mal urged her back into his arms. "I'm th' last person in the 'verse who'll judge you darlin', whether you know more bout sin than the devil or none at all. But I just need to know what- if-"

River looked down, as if she knew he wouldn't like her answer, and for the life of him, Mal couldn't figure out why. He meant what he said; he didn't care if she'd had a thousand partners before him or none at all. But he surely didn't want to jump her bones if'n she was totally inexperienced, nor did he want to insult her by treating her like a child if she knew what she was doin'. What could she possibly say that would upset him?

"Body has… some experience," she said softly. "Mind doesn't."

It took a moment for that to sink in, and then Mal went stiff with fury. Those tah mah duh hwoon dahn bastard huh choo-shung tza-jiao duh tzang-huo sons of bitches. He'd find every single jung chi duh go-se dway that had a single thing to do with that Alliance institution and-

"No." River cut into his rage clouded mind with a single, whispered word. "Not a damsel in distress. Had my own justice a long time ago. Behind me now. Behind us now. Doesn't matter except for as a truth. You give it to me and I give it to you." She paused a moment, considering. "Way I see it, got a lot to teach me, Captain." She pressed her lips to his, held them there even though he was slow to respond.

"Jing tsai, that makes it sound like you're a student an' I'm a lecherous professor or somethin'."

"Roleplay?" River smiled mischeviously and Mal nearly choked.

"No! Dung ee hwar, I got enough on my hands with you as't is. Don't need to go pretending you ain't you. What I want is exactly who you are, even if I want to tear everyone who's ever hurt you limb from limb."

"Little too gory for foreplay." River was unbuttoning his shirt with deft little movements that he barely even noticed except that suddenly her hand was on his bare chest and tee wuh duh pee-goo that felt-

"Gorramit River, I'm tryin to be chivalrous here."

"Don't need to be. Too many clothes." She started on his placket next, leaving Mal to hurry and toe off his boots lest she try to yank his pants down right over them.

"You seem ta have that same problem your own self."

River abandoned his trousers halfway down his legs and stepped back. In a single move more graceful than any dancer, she pulled her dress off over her head. It fluttered to the floor, and just like that, she was bare as the day he'd first seen her. Mal was so stunned by the sight of her that he nearly tripped over his forgotten pants as he tried to step towards her.

He kicked them off viciously and River giggled. Mal raised a brow at her. "You're gonna bruise my fragile little ego there, darlin'."

"Don't look little to me," River replied, her eyes fixed on a decidedly not so little part of him. Mal spluttered and covered himself with his hands.

"Wench. Vixen." Mal's burgeoning rant trailed off as River walked backwards toward the bed. It halted entirely as she draped herself across it. She crooked her finger at him and all rational thought left Mal's brain. The last thing that went through his mind on the way out was oh, I am a bad, bad man.

A year out in the black can either seem as endless as eternity or pass as quick as the blink of an eye. 't'all depended on the circumstances.

The next year for Mal seemed to somehow do both. There was never an end to chaos, what with Little Wash learnin to crawl, Will an' Serina coming up with experimental chemistry in the kitchen together, Jayne forcing Simon to 'bond' with him because there were 'too many ruttin' women on board', and of course, his new life with River to navigate.

Tween that an jobs, was a miracle he even had a moment to rest. And yet, there were days when he looked into River's eyes and thought that she'd been his for a lifetime. For a thousand lifetimes. What was between them didn't feel new. It was shiny, of course. Still gave him that flutterin feeling somewhereabouts in his belly. But what they had between them was as old as time. And there was a lot of comfort to be taken from that.

He wasn't a man much prone to romance and such, but when it seemed that the time was gettin' close, he'd remembered to ask River when their anniversary was. She'd given him a speech about the arbitrary construct of time and how their relationship could be said to have begun at any number of events, but eventually he'd wrangled a date out of her. Then, when they'd landed at the next port, he'd bought a ring.

Weren't much use tryin to hide something from a reader, but Mal did his best. He clearly labeled the purchase as Private in his mind, then had handed the little box to Zoe for safekeeping as soon as he stepped foot on Serenity again. River didn't ask why he'd so purposely marked a thought as one he didn't want her to see, and he was grateful for that.

When the day itself finally came, he laughed out loud as he unwrapped an engraved golden pocket watch.

"Does it still work?" he asked, despite having sworn once before that he didn't want to know. River smirked at him.

"Anything that can be broken can be fixed," she said again. And finally, Mal believed that was true. For so long, he'd considered himself as broken. Damaged. Irreparable. But that wasn't true any more.

He pulled the little box out of his pocket and watched with satisfaction as River's eyes widened in surprise and happiness.

"Suppose you already know what I'm about to say."

"I do. But I like to hear you say it," she whispered back with tears in her eyes. Mal kissed away the first one that rolled down her cheek, then went to one knee and asked her to spend the rest of their lives together. It didn't take a reader to know what she'd say, but Mal was still glad to hear her say it anyway.


End file.
